I'm really glad I went Cambodia.
It's been my part dream to do overseas C.I.P since goodness knows how long.
And right now I'd say its just the beginning, not the end of an overseas C.I.P.

In a way, the things happening in Cambodia got me thinking.

You know, the people there,
LOVE EDUCATION, they LOVE school. really LOVE.
its their ticket out of poverty, a hope, a better future.
and its also a yearning, a hunger to learn.

and its sad, how not everyone gets the opportunity to learn.
During reflection, someone mentioned that the government sets up a system for them to FAIL.
It's quite a strong word, albeit a true one.
You gotta pay to take the exams, you gotta pay to be tutored for the exams,
You gotta pay to pass well, to be able to cheat and even to get your papers marked.
When life's a struggle for you ,to even fill your stomachs each day,
how would one find the money or strength to study.

Still, I derived 2 things from their eagerness to learn.

1) Are our hearts tender and teachable?
Or at least, how about mine?
Is it one, thats fresh, open and willing to receive, or have I lost my heads up in the clouds?

2) Have we become too complacent, taking things for granted?
I remember all of us saying how much more we'd treasure going to school in cambodia.
But I clearly remember hearing myself moaning and groaning the fact that school's starting
TOMORROW with Xinlei and Joanne when I got back a day or two later.
Where does this leave me? No different from where I started off?
Shouldn't I be enthusiastic?
Like HURRAH! School! I have a laptop! whereas they've got fat desktops
and we have air-conditioned classrooms while they've got fans.
And look at me. just look at myself. coming back to Singapore and saying OH NO!
so hdehwuihdjwehhe frustrating! School's starting so soon!

At the rubbish dump, the sight was really something, so were the slums.
Witnessing all these on television is entirely different from being there physically seeing it.
Its mountains and mountains of rubbish. It could have been a mini-Bukit Timah.
they were setting fire to it, why because its too high, and rubbish has all piled up for too long.
You see kids as young as 3 years old collecting rubbish.
Lugging huge bags of worthless nothings.

If I hear any Singaporean tell me how worried or stressed they are in future,
I'd probably tell them to wake up and do some self examination.
At least I needn't worry about having enough food to eat. or wondering whether I'd die.
Or will I make enough money selling the bags of rubbish for USD0.25.

I shuddered in horror, when I saw the slums, and I admit, I tiptoed through it.
Tin plates welded together, lots of rubbish on the floor.
Used dirty trodden rugs. Old pots and pans are the sparse furnitures of their homes.

And the contradiction of it all?
There's a MANSION in front of the slum, covering it.
It's like how we often deceive ourselves, self deception
of how perfect we are on the outside, but when you look in lets face it
we're ugly.

I used to think I was a semi-polished gem.
But lets face it, I'm ugly inside. God I really need a heart transformation.

And what Liren said got me thinking.
At the rubbish dump, there's so many stuff.
Used sim cards, clothes, cardboards, refridgerators, toys, etc.
But all these stuff, are worthless.
The irony, there's everything there, pretty much everything can be found,
yet its all worthless nothings.

How about you?
We can pretty much say, we have everything
but are your everything(s) worthless nothings?
Have we been chasing for things that are worthless?
What do you value? Is it everything yet nothing?

Are we scavengers? Searching for stuff that are worthless?
Are we gonna spend the rest of our lives chasing things that are worthless?
Let's face it. In Singapore, it's easy to lose ourselves in our attempt to be the motivated individuals we are chasing for what we want, yet have we found nothing instead?

Next, I'm happy with what I have for Christmas,
I got my ipod and a pair of really good earpiece, plus lots of ning ning nong nongs (jewellery)
I'd say they'd add up to $1,000.
And then I wonder to myself. 1,000 would probably be the 6 months plus salary of a waiter.
Just a normal waiter, and they're the luckier ones with a job.
This could probably feed an entire family for a year!
Then i reflect on the cost of my presents,
the cost of my loved ones presents,
and how I went shopping and spent money like drinking water when I came back.
And I wonder Oh what have I done.
Am I really going to remain the same? Yet where do I start to change?

And I really admire the Cambodians,
that they are super friendly, the kids they aren't like the Singaporeans one either.
You know, the Cambodians they really can love people without barriers.
They welcome you with open arms, I can honestly say I haven't met one who isn't friendly.
I like it how they're so open and forthcoming.
How they love without being expected to be loved back.
How they smile so easily and freely.
You know, I think as we grow older, we have a barrier,
we set up our own wall, around our hearts,
then when someone wants to enter, we need to remove the bricks first,
it takes time, some longer, some shorter.
But then for them, there're no bricks.
Is there a wall around your heart?
I used to think I could love, I could love so freely, that one capacity God gave me was to love.
But no, I was proven wrong, come on I feel scornful of myself ever thinking that.

And seriously, they love each other.
You see older sisters, not very old themselves probably 10-17
tottering their younger siblings. See Singaporean kids doing that?
Fat hope.
They look out for them, and cherish them, kiss them, pat them, pick them up when they cry.
In turn their younger siblings love them.
Do you love your siblings the same way?
I don't have any so I'd never know how it feels.
But do you love your family, and friends the same way?
I can say my love for them is nothing compared to those of the Cambodians.

The next, during the village stay (OMG),
we stayed in the church building, with hard cold marble floor, and little warmth.
Woke up to roosters crowing since 4am every few minutes.
Opened my eyes and ears to the sound of them BLARING christian songs at 6am.
(The pastor's house is just next door) And the kids were tottering horns, I don't know what is it,
but it amplifies the music around the village, and the pastor's house is next door.
so its TERRIBLY LOUD.
then we had church service after that.
They give praises and sing songs of worship in loud voices,
unrestrained, giving their all.
& I wonder, how does one thank God in this circumstance?
What would happen if it were me? I'd probably ask god why me like a trizillion time.
The statement, when you have nothing, God becomes your everything holds true to my heart.
And I think I'm seriously lukewarm as I continue doing some self reflecting.

These are pretty much my thoughts during the trip.
Photos and details will be up later.

I feel broken in a way, like it'd take years, that whatever seeds I'm planting in Cambodia
requires years to transform the nation.
I feel sorry in a sense, sorry for myself.
I think my head's been up in the clouds for long enough this year.
I admit, I feel good about what has been done this year.
But let me face it, my self transformation is far from complete.
I pray that I'll change, and change, to be who God wants me to be,
someone who is teachable, who loves freely, who places what she values, in worthy treasures.
Not worthless treasures.
I want to be a greater woman, a greater woman after God's heart.

It's just the beginning.
It's a long way down the road, but Thank God for this opportunity.
It was difficult going alone, it was difficult saying yes,
despite feeling like backing out at the last minute.
But I can say I don't regret it.
The friendship built, the seeds planted, the lessons learnt.
I know its just a start, a transformation of a nation, and of myself within.
Thank God for that.

I'm really glad I went Cambodia.
It's been my part dream to do overseas C.I.P since goodness knows how long.
And right now I'd say its just the beginning, not the end of an overseas C.I.P.

In a way, the things happening in Cambodia got me thinking.

You know, the people there,
LOVE EDUCATION, they LOVE school. really LOVE.
its their ticket out of poverty, a hope, a better future.
and its also a yearning, a hunger to learn.

and its sad, how not everyone gets the opportunity to learn.
During reflection, someone mentioned that the government sets up a system for them to FAIL.
It's quite a strong word, albeit a true one.
You gotta pay to take the exams, you gotta pay to be tutored for the exams,
You gotta pay to pass well, to be able to cheat and even to get your papers marked.
When life's a struggle for you ,to even fill your stomachs each day,
how would one find the money or strength to study.

Still, I derived 2 things from their eagerness to learn.

1) Are our hearts tender and teachable?
Or at least, how about mine?
Is it one, thats fresh, open and willing to receive, or have I lost my heads up in the clouds?

2) Have we become too complacent, taking things for granted?
I remember all of us saying how much more we'd treasure going to school in cambodia.
But I clearly remember hearing myself moaning and groaning the fact that school's starting
TOMORROW with Xinlei and Joanne when I got back a day or two later.
Where does this leave me? No different from where I started off?
Shouldn't I be enthusiastic?
Like HURRAH! School! I have a laptop! whereas they've got fat desktops
and we have air-conditioned classrooms while they've got fans.
And look at me. just look at myself. coming back to Singapore and saying OH NO!
so hdehwuihdjwehhe frustrating! School's starting so soon!

At the rubbish dump, the sight was really something, so were the slums.
Witnessing all these on television is entirely different from being there physically seeing it.
Its mountains and mountains of rubbish. It could have been a mini-Bukit Timah.
they were setting fire to it, why because its too high, and rubbish has all piled up for too long.
You see kids as young as 3 years old collecting rubbish.
Lugging huge bags of worthless nothings.

If I hear any Singaporean tell me how worried or stressed they are in future,
I'd probably tell them to wake up and do some self examination.
At least I needn't worry about having enough food to eat. or wondering whether I'd die.
Or will I make enough money selling the bags of rubbish for USD0.25.

I shuddered in horror, when I saw the slums, and I admit, I tiptoed through it.
Tin plates welded together, lots of rubbish on the floor.
Used dirty trodden rugs. Old pots and pans are the sparse furnitures of their homes.

And the contradiction of it all?
There's a MANSION in front of the slum, covering it.
It's like how we often deceive ourselves, self deception
of how perfect we are on the outside, but when you look in lets face it
we're ugly.

I used to think I was a semi-polished gem.
But lets face it, I'm ugly inside. God I really need a heart transformation.

And what Liren said got me thinking.
At the rubbish dump, there's so many stuff.
Used sim cards, clothes, cardboards, refridgerators, toys, etc.
But all these stuff, are worthless.
The irony, there's everything there, pretty much everything can be found,
yet its all worthless nothings.

How about you?
We can pretty much say, we have everything
but are your everything(s) worthless nothings?
Have we been chasing for things that are worthless?
What do you value? Is it everything yet nothing?

Are we scavengers? Searching for stuff that are worthless?
Are we gonna spend the rest of our lives chasing things that are worthless?
Let's face it. In Singapore, it's easy to lose ourselves in our attempt to be the motivated individuals we are chasing for what we want, yet have we found nothing instead?

Next, I'm happy with what I have for Christmas,
I got my ipod and a pair of really good earpiece, plus lots of ning ning nong nongs (jewellery)
I'd say they'd add up to $1,000.
And then I wonder to myself. 1,000 would probably be the 6 months plus salary of a waiter.
Just a normal waiter, and they're the luckier ones with a job.
This could probably feed an entire family for a year!
Then i reflect on the cost of my presents,
the cost of my loved ones presents,
and how I went shopping and spent money like drinking water when I came back.
And I wonder Oh what have I done.
Am I really going to remain the same? Yet where do I start to change?

And I really admire the Cambodians,
that they are super friendly, the kids they aren't like the Singaporeans one either.
You know, the Cambodians they really can love people without barriers.
They welcome you with open arms, I can honestly say I haven't met one who isn't friendly.
I like it how they're so open and forthcoming.
How they love without being expected to be loved back.
How they smile so easily and freely.
You know, I think as we grow older, we have a barrier,
we set up our own wall, around our hearts,
then when someone wants to enter, we need to remove the bricks first,
it takes time, some longer, some shorter.
But then for them, there're no bricks.
Is there a wall around your heart?
I used to think I could love, I could love so freely, that one capacity God gave me was to love.
But no, I was proven wrong, come on I feel scornful of myself ever thinking that.

And seriously, they love each other.
You see older sisters, not very old themselves probably 10-17
tottering their younger siblings. See Singaporean kids doing that?
Fat hope.
They look out for them, and cherish them, kiss them, pat them, pick them up when they cry.
In turn their younger siblings love them.
Do you love your siblings the same way?
I don't have any so I'd never know how it feels.
But do you love your family, and friends the same way?
I can say my love for them is nothing compared to those of the Cambodians.

The next, during the village stay (OMG),
we stayed in the church building, with hard cold marble floor, and little warmth.
Woke up to roosters crowing since 4am every few minutes.
Opened my eyes and ears to the sound of them BLARING christian songs at 6am.
(The pastor's house is just next door) And the kids were tottering horns, I don't know what is it,
but it amplifies the music around the village, and the pastor's house is next door.
so its TERRIBLY LOUD.
then we had church service after that.
They give praises and sing songs of worship in loud voices,
unrestrained, giving their all.
& I wonder, how does one thank God in this circumstance?
What would happen if it were me? I'd probably ask god why me like a trizillion time.
The statement, when you have nothing, God becomes your everything holds true to my heart.
And I think I'm seriously lukewarm as I continue doing some self reflecting.

These are pretty much my thoughts during the trip.
Photos and details will be up later.

I feel broken in a way, like it'd take years, that whatever seeds I'm planting in Cambodia
requires years to transform the nation.
I feel sorry in a sense, sorry for myself.
I think my head's been up in the clouds for long enough this year.
I admit, I feel good about what has been done this year.
But let me face it, my self transformation is far from complete.
I pray that I'll change, and change, to be who God wants me to be,
someone who is teachable, who loves freely, who places what she values, in worthy treasures.
Not worthless treasures.
I want to be a greater woman, a greater woman after God's heart.

It's just the beginning.
It's a long way down the road, but Thank God for this opportunity.
It was difficult going alone, it was difficult saying yes,
despite feeling like backing out at the last minute.
But I can say I don't regret it.
The friendship built, the seeds planted, the lessons learnt.
I know its just a start, a transformation of a nation, and of myself within.
Thank God for that.